So many people jump right into a romantic relationship soon after (if not before) the ink is dry on the divorce decree.  Sure, the high of a new romance may temporarily assuage the sadness, loss, and depression that go along with divorce, but hurrying into another relationship is only a quick fix, and neither healthy nor wise.

My advice:  not so fast.  Take the time to heal from the wounds of your divorce before venturing into a new relationship.

It is easy to lose your sense of who you are when you are in a broken marriage. Before looking for another partner, take the time to explore who you are on your own and first figure out how to make yourself content and happy as a single person.  Here are a few suggestions:

  • Change your living space to reflect your own personality.
  • Pay attention to the things you enjoy doing by yourself, and occupy your alone time with those activities.
  • Pursue new interests, such as a new hobby.
  • Don’t be a hermit. Make plans with friends and develop a strong support system.
  • Explore your faith and open your mind to discovering what renewing your faith may add to your life.
  • Take care of yourself by exercising and improving your eating habits.
  • Don’t be discouraged by feelings of sadness, grief, and loneliness. You would not be human if you didn’t feel these things during such a time.  Be assured that these feelings are normal and that, in time, you will feel better.
  • See a therapist, if necessary.
  • Give yourself time to grieve.

Above all, be patient.  It may take a year or more to discover who you are without a partner, but the wait will pay off in the end. Keep working at it, and If you are patient, at some point you will realize that you don’t need a partner to make you feel “whole.”  That’s the point where you are ready to think about new relationships because you will have a healthy foundation upon which to build a lasting relationship with someone new.

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